(Here a peak into the beginning of the song of Myself. It is just after Tu be Shevat, the new year of the trees.)

 

I like to create faces. illuminate what is yet unexpressed from within.

I like to let the faces, the self-images, the masks or “persona’ speak and inspire me.

And sometimes the faces transform in front of my eyes and tell me about deep underlaying mysteries.

 

It is winter time. I chose to use a light-blue grayish color.  Maybe to match the sky full of snow yet to fall.

To soften and slow down. Not much color is present in nature “outside”.

But there was red inside me, very fierce. The red, was like a menorah or branching tree on fire. like a burning bush. Like a tree of life, on fire.

This tree appeared separately, materializing the raging fire in me. Just to get the energy flowing. Too much heat inside me, not enough water (which is literally and physically my reality). A strong tree. wild.

Two stages in “face-ing” appeared.

 

First a face,  wild and on fire. And “unfinished”.

 

Then, using the light blue color and an enfolding embracing caressing intent, an enshrouded face appeared.

A soft light blue wrap is wrapping and quenching

qualms

and wounds

scar tissue

and scares

 

Can the heat of fire turn into the light of water ? The color of a light blue winter sky. Me swimming in space.

Feeling a full embrace.

 

Water? Flowing water from the Source ? Never-ending

 

quenching and satisfying

pouring out

a gleam of sun-gold

to forge a new face

 

glowing and growing towards the light.

 

I call on my Sefardic Father-lineage/ancestors, the adventurous ones, the gold seekers, the goldsmiths, the alchemists and healers.

 

Please turn the lead into the gold, in me, with me, for me and the time to come. I want more gold!

Forge me a body of golden light within. Spacious and bright.

Not a golden calf “out there", oh no. A cosmic inner Presence in me. My body of light.

Please let me be this golden spontaneous kid born of the sun and the moon and born in spring. To dance and sing.

 

I offer my fire, my raging wild uncontrolled fire.

 

I promise to water the Tree

seeding the earth

opening the gate of Love

inviting and celebrating PaRaDiSe here.

Here. Ha Makom Haze.

 

And this is not the end of my story. May be the beginning of a new phase. Evolving on. Unwrapping the wrappings.

A new, third “being” has to be birthed still, is still hidden and unknown. It is still winter. The saps are rising, but not yet flowing and bursting out.

 

And so, no 3d face appeared yet,

I invite my soul to listen. Inviting the sun in.

Out there, there is not much sun light.  It is snowing. A white world. Another tree appeared. (No face yet). A blue water skeleton tree. Good enough for now, to feel the flow. And to let  being be.

 

 I listen to Walt Whitman in Song of Myself:

 

“You shall possess the good of the earth and sun,

(there are millions of suns left,)

You shall no longer take things at second or third

hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor

feed on the specters in books,

You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take

things from me,

 

You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.”

 

Walt Whitman is a good guide for me on the journey.  To listen in, filter and live “From Myself"

Singing and drawing (not dragging!!!!) along. Drawing blessings.

 

Saturday januari 26 2019. shabbat Yithro

 

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After the Beginning of the song of Myself , I went on “watering the tree”, made also a slide- presentation with music after having photographed details and phases while drawing/painting. But decided “it was not good enough” a product, it was more part of this wrapping and unwrapping process. See the “opaque” end painting here. When i started out it was much more spacious, flowing, open and “unfinished”. More liquid. Less compact (acrylics tend to do that, it dries op quick,) The acrylics used “over” ink, covers up. Like a firm self-defense, armor. Too wrapped up.

Sometimes i seem to stay too long in a pattern/habit/form. And instead of bringing light in, I bring in tightness and darkness. Solidifying, hardening. Doors are closing.

 

So, I decide to leave this drawing, start fresh. With ink-colors, less acrylics, and only at the end of the flow creating context/background with acrylics. I tried to keep flowing, floating, not so much “wrapping”, leaving the white traces of snow coming, as white holes into the floor/ground.

 

Sea and light, floating in the ocean as a plant like appearance. I am not a plant though. I am just greening, breathing and growing. I am-ing. Contracting and expanding at the same moment. Melting, merging.

 

The saps are rising in the depth, seeding time, melting time (it is February 1, Imbolic/spring returning/the end of Shevat, almost new moon in Adar, still  traces of snow)

 

 The song of Myself, tree-ing. Tree-ing faces, drip drop drops, snow melting , inner cold warming up, like seaweed deep on the ocean floor seeking the light, wanting to nourish and be nourished.

 

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Yang and Yin Faces

 

 

 

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What inner landscape is unfolding? I meditate/dialoque with my two faces, seeding each other. Like a love making.

 

Saw this drawing about Imbolic. Sort of matching, in colors and theme.

 

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seaweed images

 

Allowing light to come into the deep. Cleansing, opening. Form is forming formations.

 

Seaweed is not a plant. They are algae, bacteria. They seem to be very “healthy”. Creating oxygen.

Connected to beauty (skin), considered “the new green gold”. Oh, much to learn here.

 

So, now I am exploring the qualities of seaweed and my inner need for a healing flow/floating in the ocean.

Where in my body are these “faces” “at work” ? On my buttocks ? In my heart/lungs upper body?  I place the two faces in/on my lower back body. (relaxing my kidneys, lower back). Letting my kidney-network receive the clean ocean light and sun warmth deep inside me. Give them more space. Embrace them. let them soften. (letting the old fears, conscious and unconscious, subside).

 

I am aware of “what is not yet there”….. no red, no brown, no purple. Not much structure either.

 

And that too is what it is: to be continued. love, Carola just before the new moon in aquarius, Adar 1.