LIFE EXPERIENCE - EXPERIENCING LIFE - INSPIRITING THE BODY - EMBODYING "THE PRESENT MOMENT IN TIME"
Visual art expressions of living in “jewish Time”
These drawings appeared while tuning in on new moon/full moon energy qualities of “that particular moment in time". During each month the sun/moon appear in a specific Zodiacal constellations.
Each year on different days, shifting place in the months, but still according to the sun/moon-sign cycle.
So, I invite you to taste the energy flow.
Shevat (January/February, always new moon in aquarius/ full moon in leo ),
Tevet (December/January, always new moon in capricorn/full moon in cancer),
Kislev (November/December, always new moon in sagittarius/full moon in gemini).
Cheshvan (November/October, always new moon in scorpio/full moon in taurus).
And so forth. These drawings and video poems appeared from 2013-2015.
See for the video poems and music "En spiriting the body"
December/Tevet
After December 21,
the midwinter turning,
December 26 2013 /
23 Tevet. 5774.
Wombing Time.
Seeds grow in the darkness.
Scroll down for more.
Tevet. Winter
Indigo blue and olive green. Some gray and white spaces.
The seeds sleeping in the womb,
being nourished, protected and loved.
The waters of Life, flowing and giving,
Wave-ing, spiral-ing, turning and re-turning.
A water-course way.
In the vortex appears the Body of a Goddess,
a fishy feminine body, at home in the waters.
A Dolphin : "She who rules the waves"?
She is sliding and gliding, down and down into the mouth
of a whirling milky belly. The white basin of the women's body.
The Great Mother. Ma.
She is carried and held by big splashing waves,
the arms, hips and legs of the great Ocean.
From the depth light sparkles and meanders as sea weed.
Sapping and winging, yin-ing and yang-ing,
nesting and webbing. Into being.
The white Goddess and her Rechem.
The compassionate One.
She who is Ma Rachamanah,
embracing, breathing and bubbling.
She is pregnant with life. New Life.
She is a well spring.
Welling and wombing.
Wholing and One-ing.
To Life, Le Chayim.
May the new year of 2014 begin
rolling and wholing,
slow and deep.
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
New Moon of Shevat
What is This ? Ma Zeh ? (Hebrew).
Mother of Life, what is this struggle that overwhelms me? Im keyn lamah zeh anochi.
(Genesis 25:22)
(Listen to Hannah Tiferet singing this on CD Tiferet, the Heart of compassion)
Like an Amaryllis,
the seed bearing belly bulb, awakening from its dormant winter sleep.
Connected to deep water, fertile soil and dim light.
How to get it bloom again?
Keep it cool. Stay indoors.
Increase the light.
Start it warm. Water tentatively.
Let it flower, let it grow.
Hold your SELF in tender self-care.
Delving deep.
In and through
the interior realms of Body/Mind/Soul.
With-nessing. Witnessing.
The flow. This growth. Wait.
What is this ?
What wants to come alive through me?
What is surfacing?
What is springing up and out and open?
Not yet. No hurry. No push. Pause.
Trust the pattern, the flow, the moving.
The spiraling, the lemniscating wonder. This.
This dance of hide and seek.
of light, eternally turning towards the Light.
Wait and see. Love and be.
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
Visual art expression of living in "Jewish Time", the new moon of Shevat, January 1 this year 2014.
Co-emerging with New Year.
Doing my spiritual practice in the morning, listening to the voice of the moment, allowing the Life Force create through me. Witnessing the outer light brightening up a bit.
On white paper, drawing from the gut and heart, in red/white liquid light (ink and acrylics), the saps are rising. Embodying the Creative Spirit.
And this is what appeared.
Inviting you to participate in this pregnant time.
May the new year bring regeneration and renewal from deep inside. Listen.
Let it ripen.
Dance with the light.
Scroll down for more.
Full moon in cancer. Tu B'Shevat
The moon is full. Shines bright
in the sign of Cancer and in me.
In my cocon-body-space I am
at home, safe, rooted, moving free.
The soul-saps, red and white
are rising. Rose-ing and blossoming.
Circling left and right. Shaping the almond,
the MANDORLA inside.
In this almond shaped inner fire
the fishy fiery Goddess
elongates.
She rises up.
From the depth of the water full of weeds
from the bottom of the sea, from tail
to head, not yet.
Not yet fully human and awake. She rises,
this mermaid, this sea woman.
She who is alive in and underwater
lengthens, as the days are lengthening.
Lengthening and bending.
Waving and waking
up.
See, invisible yet, but see in your mind's eye
how she adds and releases
a neck, a head. Shoulders, arms, hands, hips, legs and feet.
See her jump, rotate, turn and
rise up. I pray
Let this lengthening
turn me into becoming
an effortless and elegant
mover in water AND in space.
Kumi Ori. Arise my light.
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
Full moon in cancer. Tu B'Shevat.
January 15 2014.
Scroll down for more.
February 2 2014, the new moon in aquarius.
It is the new moon of Adar 1. An extra month this year in the Jewish sun/moon calendar, a month of turning, the upside down and downside up, towards life and light. We are given an extra month in preparing to break out in the month Nissan, the Pesach time. The time of passing-over and going forth in freedom.
This extra month is called "the pregnant month".
The light and new life might still be hidden in winter clothes, or pops out. Full of potential. But still too small to conquer the dark, the cold. Still "on hold".
Scroll down for more.
New moon of Adar 1
See
bursts bursting out
a river of Light.
see
Light upon light
bursting through earth
snow and winter cold,
this flow of white Light
in my garden
the beech hedge shines
reddish brown, burnt sienna, bright.
see
a red rose bud
seeks the Light. It is
One-eye looking through the bushes
in delight.
see
bursts bursting in
a deep thrust for Life.
This flow of life, indestructibly joyous and wild.
"Let us bless the flow of life,
that revives us, sustains us
and brings us this time."
This pregnant extra month.
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
Full Moon of Adar 1
The light
is
increasing and pushing
behind grey overcast skies
smashing and shattering the clouds
creating
blue stripes above and an earthy yellow glow below
ohhhhh
this silent wonder
this
strength of Light.
Blue Purple and White
pierce
from the bottom up
grape hyacinths, crocuses, and snowdrops,
up up up
spreading a magic carpet out under my feet
lifting me up, bringing joy, rising me above.
This
arousal from below
is slow.
We have still two full month to go
before the Cherry Plum brings spring near, cutting through all fear. Then
in Nissan, the fog will lift, the ties that bind break open, the Divine Creative Energy
from above
will set all free.
In the meantime
onward we flow, arising from below, shattering shadows
smashing obstacles, nourishing the seeds of light within, bursting out in
joy
"Ozi v'zimrat Yah, vay'hi li yeshua"
(God is my strenght and my song. Yah is my deliverance)
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
The full moon is in Leo, February 14 2014.
The full moon broke through the foggy dark night.
We have a mild winter here in the Netherlands
Scroll down for more.
New Moon of Adar 2
sea, a wild sea
a sea of cosmic energy
my true identity.
falling, spiraling, waving
waves between waves
going in circles
around the sun and the moon
sea-ing on
water, air and light
warmth, dusk and dawn
this is a realm of transitioning on
with no clear form.
allowing
the space in-between
to be seen, to be embodied
feeling on
let it be, let it be, so it be
rolling on and on
with each stroke and touch
all imperfections
tumble into love
lemniscating
the fabric of eternal flow
spiraling on
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
New moon of Adar 2.
The new moon in Pisces.
Adar 2 is the month of the
Divine Turn Around.
Remembering the Transcendent Light. Choosing Life in Joy and Laughter.
Being a fish in the sea of the Good,
the True and the Great Compassion.
Experiencing life beyond fright. Growing in trust.
The month of unmasking the false and revealing the true Self.
Releasing worry and wickedness, inside and out.
Releasing any thought about what ought (to be different and right).
Trusting color, light and flow. Without form, nondescript. Pointless too.
So, I am fooling around. Fuzzy, blurry, messy. Nullifying.
Red and blue. White and red. Some yellow too.
Fishing, spiraling, waving and weaving.
Containing and contained in the eternal lemniscating figure 8.
Growing in Delight. Ripening. Enfolding. Still pregnant.
Scroll down for more.
Full Moon Adar2/Purim
A bowing, bending, breaking and allowing,
broken-hearted,
sad and strong.
Surrendering into Love, Light and Beauty. (Queen Esther)
Shaking the rattle, driving demons away,
this sadness and fear,
letting my mental monsters go. (Haman, Amalek)
All that negates life and pushes and strifes.
Being mindful of the hidden divine sparks,
softening the power-over tendencies, my ignorance and pride,
uncovering the strength of vulnerability and not-knowing,
facing the truth. (King Ahasverus)
And what is my true healthy masculinity?
Do I have directionality? Up, or down, out or in, high or low? (Mordechai)
May be, centered in heart and soul, nowhere to go but in, resting in integrity.
No either or anymore. Only and and.
And then, and then, taking full responsibility for my humanness,
I attune to the force of renewal and spring. Cleansing, emptying.
Doing the work of unifications. Humanizing, harmonizing, actualizing.
Opening the heart, breathing and Integrating on.
Loving kindness in the four directions:
rooted above, cracking open,
trusting gravity -
falling
going with the flow,
gaining speed -
moving on
tumbling, rolling, diving, turning, yearning -
playing on
bowing and bending,
emptying and grounding -
headless
---
May this centering and turning give
soul-strenght and support
for the ongoing releasing/cleansing process.
May our inner preparations for leaving mitzrayim/the narrow places
be effective, so that the Force of Spring
can get even more in.
The Force of Spring, the Jod, He, Wav, He will be aligned
on Rosch Chodesh Nissan, 14/15 days from now.
Happy spring time !
(see and hear the slideshow in En -Spiriting the Body)
Full moon in Virgo, Adar 2, sunday March 16
Purim this year for me
is experienced inward,
in my body/mind/soul/heart and spirit.
The reality of direct experience.
New moon of Nissan.
April 1
Guardian Angel
Text see
and slideshow
Inviting Love in
"It is a gift to be simple, it is a gift to be free"
YES
Releasing and receiving. Surrendering and strengthening.
Falling in love. Becoming a force of nature. Growing in love.
YES
Bowing and bending. Kissing and climbing.
Tumbling and plowing. Cracking open. Seeding and flowing. Watering the Tree.
YES
"it is a gift to come down where we ought to be"
"and when we find ourselves in the place just right,
it will be in the valley of love and delight"
YES
In a river of egg yellow light, walking on heavenly purple stone bricks,
sprouting deep green up and up
THERE THERE THERE
THERE
"there I will give You my Love" "sham eten et dodai lach"
THERE
there and everywhere transcending despair
this Love, this life giving power, this passion to renew, this flame
IS
more powerful than death
"How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride !
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice !
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better then wine."
YES
now is the time
while counting the Omer, Love can awaken each day a little bit more.
Written friday April 18, day 3, Tiferet she be Chesed.
See and hear the slideshow of dancing images of this "face"
with Shefa's Shir Delight "Sham eten et dodai lach". "There I will give You my love."
Full moon in Libra.
The beginning of Pesach.
This Pesach I made my own "seder", relinquishing old habits and expecta-tions, destilling the essence: inviting Love in. Kissing the sleeping beauty in me and you, and You in me too, free. Physically, symbolically and in the depth of my heart. Reading the Song of Songs. Singing a lovely shaker song too.
30 april /May 1. This new moon, in Taurus, was especially powerful. A solar eclipse took place. Charging the INNER, hidden Light/life/love force.
So, how is my inner light touched and empowered to grow and shine and become fully embodied? Iyyar is the month of shining and blossoming. It is the month of counting the Omer, the month of releasing all kinds of selfimages/I centered knowings. Inviting the Tree of Life to become alive in me. Each day we attune and align with the 49 qualities of the "light/Life Force". We can grow in soul strength. But, how to balance this lightening bolt within us? How to become an inspiration for others in such a way we do not burn ourselves out, nor create damage to others and "otherness"? "How to just "Be a light" for each other, all the nations and all the peoples?
So, "let it shine this little light of mine." "Month of May, please make "me" grow."
Bless me, Bath me in Your Light.
AM I "I AM ING"?
Am I ready to receive, am I? To let
this Light-Life-Force
shine and blossom; heal and whole
through me?
this Light-Life-Force of the month Iyyar, the month of May
falling, breaking in, dropping down, sprouting up, breaking out, shining through
am I ready to receive, empty handed, open hearted, am I ?
through every cell I hear "I AM, I AM, it is me who sets you free"
ANOCHI HASHEM ELOHEICHA
is
sounding into the fluids and spaces of my flesh, blood, bones and subtle pathways
deconstructing and constructing new vessels
points, lines crossing, connecting point by point
of both opening and bundling, balancing and carrying
the Light inside
joining and cascading
down and up and in and out
spinning in, spiraling down, forming folding forking into
skull, cup, bowl, pelvis, palates, lungs, wings, hands, feet, the belly bottom
LIGHT POINTS LIGHT LINES LIGHT TRIANGLING
into this Body/soul vessel of mine.
BUILDING BASINS
basins in basins in basins
me becoming a basis
to receive , to hold together, to flow over, to give, to radiate and pour out
this life healing liquid
"I AM-ING"
penetrating, incarnating, earthing, webbing and reorganising
"me "
into becoming a DWELLING PLACE for the Divine Light .
Light solidifies into Life. Life opens into Light.
Yes, I am ready. Making the omer count through me.
Revealing, unraveling, exposing the cosmic web weaving a body of Light
through me
YES
I am ready: "Hineni, ossah et atsmi, Merkabah l'Shechinah, Merkabah l'Shechinah"
" Here I am, make me into a vessel/a vehicle for Your Presence."
Full Moon of Iyyar
This full moon is in Scorpio. At the same time the archetypal masculine and feminine are occupying one another's home territory: mars is in Libra and Venus is in Aries. Challenging our fixed ideas about what is feminine, what is masculine. Not only for "gender benders" and "traditional role-thinkers" of "fixed" opposites. For me the challenge is for allowing a new balance and integration. Beyond polarities. Inviting both forces as contraries and not separate forces. Inviting eros, slow growth and soul strength. Turning in and breaking out at the same time.
The full moon shows a swelling, a swinging and very abundant greening in my garden. Out there, literally, in me too as you can see.
This drawing appeared a few days later then the full moon, on Lag ba Omer, the 33rd day of counting the Omer. Hod she be Hod. My "bonfire" is green and full of fertility. A growing in surrendering. Letting go, letting "God" in. Allowing heaven and earth to come together, through me. Through you? Through both of us.
A RADIANT BODY OF SPLENDOUR
my heart a nest, a birthplace, a well
my heart
weaving and wombing
heaven on earth, and earth into heaven
the heart of the Tree and me,
this heart of me
deeply rooted in the midst of the eternal Green Sea
weaving and wombing
Light
into the fabric of
Life
seeds are sown, seeds of light and joy
seeds
full of all possibilities
growing
an indwelling Presence
in
this green apple from the Tree
breathing
an unfolding Presence
out
this green leaf on the Tree
dancing and birthing
wholeness integrity strength humility
weaving and wombing
a radiant body of splendor
through
this heart of me in the core of the Tree
this me and the Tree
somewhat clumsy still worthy
not at all perfect, opening into a wide blank whiteness
growing
each day, a little bit more
into
Tree-ing and Unifying
En-spiriting the body, embodying the Spirit
bringing
heaven on earth, and earth into heaven
journeying on
(still counting the Omer)
.........
See and hear the slideshow
The Indwelling Presence growing in "the Tree and me".
"Shiviti Shechinah le negdid tamid" Psalm 16. Rabbi Shefa Gold's translation and chant.
I place The Indwelling Presence before me, always.
This new moon in Sivan is marinated in surrender to the One. Connected to Shabbat Nasso. The receiving of the priestly blessings. I like to use Rabbi Shefa Gold's way of framing the blessings. The love that shines through the face of all things, this "Grace" was/is with me during the days of counting the Omer. Inviting the divine qualities to shine in and through me, letting the amazing beauty of nature around me nourish me. Love, grace and awe are growing in me. Each day, this paradox of deconstruction (falling apart, unraveling, dying) and creation (filling, bundling, growing into fullness) is working in me. The new moon of Sivan announces the mobilizing and finalizing of this love dance. This voiding into All and Nothing. Becoming full and offering up the harvest. Opening into the mystery of the meeting between heaven and earth. Culminating at Shavuot, Sivan 6 and 7. (At "Pentacost", the 50th day.)
WHEN THE GOLDEN GRAIN RIPENS
Red and white, blood and semen, earth and sky
meet mingle merge
Love grows
and grows and grows and grows
time is ripe soon
to fully surrender and open up
oh Yes Yah, please
fill my cup
embrace my face
see my fire, reap my fruits, help me clean the field
please
deepen my sense of connection
and
trust in the fullness of the Void
please
open me open me more open me even more
for the giving of your blessings
-----
"May God bless you and guard you.
May God shine his faces upon you and grace you.
May God lift up his face to you and give you peace."
May you be filled with the Divine Flow
and may its essence transform you
so that you are protected from your habits of distortion.
May the fierce and loving light of God shine
through all illusions of self, dissolving the walls
that seem to keep out the miracle of grace.
May the face of God that is hidden in everything
remove its mask and reveal the truth
of our inter-connectedness.
And may the love that shines through
the face-of-all-things give you peace.
(Rabbi Shefa Gold in Torah Journeys, parasha Nasso)
-----
See and hear the slideshow
New moon of Sivan
Rabbi Shefa Gold sings psalm 92:6.
"Ma Gadlu ma'assecha Yah.
m'od amku mach'sh'votecha"
"How Great is your work, oh God,
how very deep are your thoughts"
This full moon in Scorpio,
June 12, my friend David's body got cremated. His living and his dying were so full of generosity, so full of love and gratefulness. After a painful last bit of his journey here on earth.
He taught us, and me, that death is NOT annihilation.
His was a consummation.
Love pouring into Love.
Thank you David. May your memory be for a Blessing.
Now, after the full moon, I am on retreat with myself on the island Ameland.
The crystal pure atmosphere
of stillness, the wind blowing, the white sand glowing, the green-blue sea ebbing and flowing, all this breathes me even more into that reality of "love pouring into Love". Always.
Love pouring into Love
I am
experiencing living, dying and this deathlessness all at the same time
only the fullness of the moment is
Is is-ing
"No-where to go". "Nobody to be". "Nothing to hold on to. "
I sense a heaviness, an awkwardness. I scribble and scratch.
Nowhere to go?
I draw wild, in all directions. Not much structure, not much form, no ideas to lead me. Just the play of the rose-red-pink and green-blue colors I picked to paint with.
The colors mingle and shine.
The sand, the sea, and the flowering rose hips are nourishing me.
they are singing in my ear:
"let life be what it is
and
let go of self preoccupation, give of yourself
whole-heartedly"
I breath, I move, I touch the paper, I watch, I surrender
Nobody to be?
Self images come and go. Like clouds. Like shadows. Like old truths
I am
tracing and facing
this inherited fear of annihilation
this pride of being right, and bright and free and independent
this wanting to be loved and failing, falling short
yes, that too is part of me and pray
please untie the tangles, please release
Anna B'Choach
and
I receive, I know, I remember, I answer
Love pouring into Love
all ways, all the time, here and there, everywhere
Baruch Shem Kevod Malchuto Le Olam wa ed.
"Through Time and Space Your Glory Shines"
I sing
out loud and decide to make this my mantra for the whole summer
Holding on, holding on
to the fullness of the moment
Drawing and bringing
this cosmic Body into my body, this heavenly Love into my earthy passions
Holding on
Nothing
but
Love. Love
Loving
me
open
-----
On En -Spiriting the Body is a slideshow with Anna B'Choach,
sung by Rabbi Hanna Tiferet Siegel.
Tammuz
Tammuz is in Jewish Time a "hot" month, leading into the month of Av: full of memories of destructions, massacres, injustices and explosive angers. Not just memories. Summer time is often a time full of fires. Full of shattering. Now many "fires" are raging and are almost out of order. The world looks like a killing field.
The tradition invites us to mourn, to call on the waters of healing and release the patterns/behaviors that do not support life and love. Letting go of the past to hope for a better future. To do "the karmic cleansing".
I therefor include a beautiful teaching by Rabbi T'mimah Ickovits about this (click for the pdf). This is about "inner work". I know very well that I am blessed to live in a Time and Space of relative peace. I am very grateful I can do this inner work and cultivate compassion. Restoring Love for Life itself.
In the Netherlands we are shocked with tragic deaths and war-deeds against humanity (a Malaysian airplane which left from Schiphol was shot in pieces in war zone Ukraine and Russia, July 17). We cannot stay "neutral".
At the same time the cruelties, the lies and deceits, the disrespect of what it means to be a human being, trigger so much "old Holocaust stuff". And the Hamas/Gaza/Israel battlefield is unbelievably devastating. And many sentiments of anti "otherness",
anti-semitic and homo-phobic outrages happen again in Europe. So shocking.
So much "old paradigm", so saddening.
I pray for self-restraint and self-respect. I center my small self in the Light.
Face my fears, anger, shame, helplessness and deep sorrow.
May the light shine in all the darknesses.
I sing/say/pray psalm 139, 7-12 in the translation of Reb Zalman.
May his memory be a Great Blessing.
"Whereto can I withdraw from Your spirit?
Flee from facing You?
If I would mount up to Heaven
There are You.
If I make my bed in Hell
You are there too.
Soaring on the wings of dawn,
To find shelter in the setting sun,
it would be Your hand,
that would carry me,
Your right hand, holding me safe.
If I want to find oblivion in darkness,
trading light for darkness,
To You, it would not be dark.
Night is as bright as day for You.
Dark and light- the same in Your sight."
-----
See and hear on En -Spiriting the Body the psalm in Hebrew woven together with the paintings of my "underwater world", swimming/feeling through dark emotions.
The new moon in Tammuz was June 29. July 3, Tammuz 5, my Rebbe breathed his last breath here in his physical body on earth. May his memory be a
Great Blessing.
He died peacefully. I am grateful to carry his legacy on.
Av
On Tish be Av (this year August 5) we vast and mourn the destruction of the Temple. On shabbat Nachamu, this year on August 8, the gate of tears is wide open, to receive consolation and move on, towards the Light.
Then the 12 texts of Jeshajahu invite us to do the work of Teshuvah, the
inner cleansing, to prepare for renewal. The month of Elul and the High Holidays
are coming.
Mourning is difficult to bring about when one identifies with the drama, the destructions and gets sucked in into the spiral of negative reactions. During these days of ugly wars, full of innocent victims and unbelievable atrocities against humanity, many peoples are dying and suffering. "The war" is not over.
It seems we all live in the middle of a third world war. Some more protected then others. Some caught in devastating circumstances. Some in relative peaceful circumstances, but all the same, caught in destructive hate/anger attacks, manipulative opinions and provocative demonstrations.
I am calling on the quality of GREAT COMPASSION available during the coming months and on the great Day of at-One-Ment (Yom Kippur). We need to find the way back to a heart capable of love, mutual respect and kindness. Inner and outer.
For one self and others. May the paradigm of warfare, the separating and desecrating of one another END.
This is deep stuff. We all seem in one way or other, to live by warfare, by fighting, projecting unto "enemies", who seem attacking us (an illness, a disappointment, an unfriendly neighbour, a problem we do not want).
We attack what scares us. We react, form judgements and opinions.
We resist. And on and on the drama/tragedies keep rolling.
Can we question these patterns of reactivity? Can we breathe, pause and feel.
Can we SHIFT into radical acceptance: embrace, release and see/feel through this? Comforting one another back into Life?
The fighting is getting stronger and nastier. "Outside". It is not over yet. What is happening "within"? How to respond constructively, authentic and kind?
For me silence and stillness keep my heart soft and tender. Open.
May we dare to dive into deep waters of unconditional love. Weep together. Stop devouring each other or being afraid to be devoured. May we tame our wild animal natures and find peace and space to just be and function creatively. May we choose life. Now and for ever more. "The Prayer of the Mothers" helps us to bring that about.
(Click for pdf "The Prayer of the Mothers" co-written by Sheikha Ibtisam Mahameed and Rabba Tamar Elad-Appelbaum and translated by Amichai Lau-Lavie.)
THE FIRES ARE BURNING
Fires of Love. Fires of Hate.
Breaking
Burning
Devouring
Strong
strong are the forces of disqualifying, de-humanizing and destruction
Very Strong
"Love is stronger then Death"
"for You darkness is as light" (psalm 139)
WHITE LIGHT IS SEEING
the unconscious God Godding through
shadows
snears and separations
scary sneaky low and bloody
Very Bloody
these mental monsters
scary are the forces that twist, split, dis-connect, attack and blacken
the forces that project, reject, put down, push out, resist
I pray
the paper offers a container of white space. Breath and soft touch guide me,
SENSE-ING AWARE-ING
I seek the light, the love, the waters of healing.
I weep and mourn.
I siss and fling. A fishy body floods blood.
A crocodile lingers with a hungry hiss
In this under water world I am at home. Here I am safe. God is with me, I do not fear.
I am not the target, I am not "a prey"
I pray
together with my inner animals, monsters and dark emotions. I let light and love in.
THE FIRES ARE BURNING
in me
like a Vulcano. A boiling mass. Erupting. Rising up. The Good, the Bad, the ugly.
the anger, the sadness, the disappointments
I cry
Rachamiem, Rachamiem aleinou.
Have Mercy.
Kyrie Eleison.
Erbarme dich, mein Gott.
May my creative expression of embrace, of release, bring healing and courage.
To bring light into darkness. Shifting out of fear and shooting.
May the month of Menachem Av help us to transform destructive forces, habits, thoughts, into returning to Source. And re-align with Basic Goodness.
For all peoples. Seeing the light in each other's eyes.
May we acknowledge each other's Presence. And re-consacrate life.
-----
See and hear the slideshow on En-Spiriting the Body
"dark and light-the same in Your sight”
psalm 139, 7-12
sung by Waltraud Rennebaum in Hebrew,
from her CD the song of ascents, Ma’alot.
This new moon is in Leo.
July 27.
For me the month of Av helps me to seek comfort and consolation. To focus on "Menachem Av." For many it is the month of remembering destruction, loss, and tragedy. Wanting the atrocities to end, fighting against injustices. Seeing no time for mourning yet. Not knowing how to mourn. Not turning inward, not facing the never ending cycle of suffering. Protecting the heart instead of pouring out the heart.
Drinking in the Light
The lights (sun and moon) are joined,
the lights are close,
to the planet, to my body/mind stuff, to matter/mother earth.
This light is wide, is deep,
this light
shines bright,
is
sinking in in in in
in every pore in every cell
penetrating
in
all my earthy flesh and blood,
it is good.
The summer turns, the fruits are falling.
The light shines bright,
dries out.
Creating pathways wafer thin.
Skin
turns into light, light becomes skin.
This light
shines bright, this light
is
seeding drops of joy on and on
on every leave on every weave
fanning
the chambers of the heart wide open, like feathers
on the breath of life,
it is very good.
This
turning of the heart, this falling apart
this facing in,
this growing old and wise as light,
this becoming seed, this beaming down
this is it:
I am part of the fabric of Space and Time
a ripple, rippling ripples.
Sweetness is sown
Time is ripe:
Love is aroused and love loves loving
this
One Heart beating
in you, in me, in us, in them, and in every in between.
This Light,
shines bright, this light
drinks
me in, drenches me, overflows.
"Only goodness and graciousness I affirm, all the days of my life.”
(Reb Zalman z”l psalm 23-6)
-----
In this text I use imagery and poetic words inspired by Marcia Falk. from her new book "The Days Between” (Brandeis University Press). Between beginning and beginning. Between Rosh Ha Shannah (Jewish New Year) and Yom kippur (Day of Atonement).
She sees T’shuvah as "turning the heart”, "meeting oneself face to face, opening the heart to change”. The next new moon is the new moon of Elul. The beginning of the inner work of returning to Source, preparing for the High Holidays.
I use pictures of this drawing in a slideshow with music in En -Spiriting the Body.
„Or zarua la tzaddik, u le yishrei lev simcha”
Light is sown for those who turn their hearts to righteousness.
Joy is stored in a pure heart.
From CD Vocolot at 25, Linda Hirschhorn.
May our hearts turn into golden beams of light and become feathery light.
May we harvest light drops and dissipate fear and terror. May we experience this
"Basic Goodness” and cultivate "radical empathy” (term coined by Rabbi Jill Jacobs)
May we be able and willing to create safe circumstances for ourselves and each other,
for a change of heart to happen. Peace. Peace. Peace.
This full moon in Aquarius is called "a super moon”. The moon is the closest to the earth during the cycle of the year.
I made this drawing a few days before the full moon in a vegetable and flower garden, communing with a Zucchini plant. I see entangling stems, orange yellow flowers, dark green zucchini’s , big and small, fresh gigantic leaves and withering leaves. While drawing, an Atalanta butterfly landed on the paper. Moved its wings a few times and then spread them out, laying still, dead still. Accompanying me while mourning. I am weaving loss and fullness into the leaves I see. They transform into feathers. I am harvesting Love, Light, Beauty.
I have to shield myself from too much sun, too much dryness, too much self criticism. (withering me too). I am in awe. Tasting the moment of abundance deeply. Witnessing the fabric of Time, this tapestry of my reality. Remembring human life is like "dry grass, withering blossoms, passing shadows, vanishing clouds, drifting wind, scattering dust, a fleeting dream” (Un’taneh Tokef K’dushat hayom).
LONGING
This painting, this face, this wild garden in decay, these drops falling in waves of a vast ocean, appeared while whispering my longings.
Kissing
the future into being
and
sweetening discomfort, dropping the old "head", falling in Love
Longing
on
following
feelings/thoughts to its Source and letting the imagination guide me,
sensing and breathing, listening and drawing, pulling and twisting.
praying
Please, open up my lips, so that You and I can speak with thousand kisses deep.
Ohhhhhhhhh
A THOUSAND KISSES DEEP
This line comes from a song by Leonard Cohen, from his Book of Longing.
This one verse out of many says it all:
"Don't matter if the road is long
Don't matter if it is steep
Don't matter if the moon goes out
And the darkness is complete
Don't matter if we lose our way
It is written that we 'll meet
At least that's what I heard you say
A thousand kisses deep
Well that 's my story
I admit it 's broken and its bleak
But all the twisted pieces fit
A thousand kisses deep"
See En-Spiriting the Body for the New moon of Elul "a thousand kisses deep" slideshow, with the song Anni Le dodi we dodi Li.
"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine"
by Fortuna. From CD La Prima Vez.
-----
Kabir says:
"If you make love with the divine now,
in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire"
"it is the intensity of the longing that does all the work."
This new moon is in Virgo. It is the harvest season, the turning, returning to Source, the dying, dropping, the giving, forgiving and being forgiven to begin anew. The 40 days of cleansing and purifying begin. The shofar is blown, to pierce through the old, to release, to delete, wipe out, let go, let God in, to renew and to gather courage to really change.
My head bows down in surrender. Empties like emptying a basket of love.
The love of green grasses and leaves, of sun-flowers, rain-drops and starlit nights. Autumn is in the air. With raging hail storms and crystal clear skies in between. What is worn out, can be taken off? What new life wants to be born?
The new moon is empty on my birthday august 25. And as the new moon will start growing, my life moves on towards 69 years of life experience. The atmosphere of Elul will color the year ahead. The letters of the month E L U L are seen as the first letters of the affirmation from the Song of Songs: Anni Le dodi we Le dodi li, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine". God is near, the gates of compassion are open. Now is the Time to do Teshuvah out of Love (see Dealing with the Aftermath of the Holocaust on this website)
The Great Dissolving
The moon is full
I am sitting
seeing/feeling
widening/deepening
breathing Light
into
me and the sea
The moon hangs low
falling on the table in the garden
raining/radiating
impregnating/releasing
the old mother tree/ bird and me
of all that is not yet
free
The moon turns into a sand plate, earth and seat.
a seal takes a bath in the sun.
The old Mother Tree Bird Being hovers over it all.
I, the woman in me, sit on the shore, half ocean, half earthy,
up right but not quite,
wrapped in green light.
The Earth is Mothering me!
holding/grounding
nourishing/loving
my fish-body, the mermaid me.
Hands and feet are growing secretly.
I can be a being at home in all the elements, with wings, with a tail and fins
and with hands and
feet
and a voice and visions.
Not yet, but a future to be.
She will fly with her bird wings in the wind
She can dive deep, swing and splash her tail
Her golden hair will return
(by first plucking the old age feathers out).
Her soul will invite her fishy human body
to dance, to play, to stand,
to land
to feel
the earth move under her feet.
She will be restored
a natural woman
again
Now
is the time to dip into the ocean,
the waters of healing and the waters of life
to draw down
Great Compassion.
To forgive, to set free
me and mothers and all others,
me and my unlived life and all fears
dropping the old feathers
dissolving
into
Love/Light
singing
together with
Eleonora Noga Alberti
the Sefardic/Dutch melody of
ADON HA SELICHOT
Adon haselichot
bochen levavot
goleh amukot
dover tzedakot
Chatanu lefaneicha
rachem aleinu.
(x2)
Hadur benifla'ot
vatik benechamot
zocher b'rit amo
choker kelayot
Chatanu lefaneicha
rachem aleinu.
(x2)
Male zakiyut
nora tehino
tzone'ach avonot
oneh be'etzavot
Chatanu lefaneicha
rachem aleinu.
(x2)
Master of Forgivings
examiner of hearts
the revealer of depths
speaker of justice
We have sinned before You,
have mercy upon us.
(x2)
Glorious in wonders
great in consolations
remembering the covenant of his nation
weighing our insides
We have sinned before You,
have mercy upon us.
(x2)
Full of gaining
his entreaty is awesome
drops evils to the ground
answers sorrows
We have sinned before You,
have mercy upon us.
(x2)
Adon Ha Selichot sung by
Eleonora Noga Alberti
Cantares de Sefarad Vol 2
See the slideshow and hear her sing in En-Spiriting the Body.
Full moon of Elul
This is a super moon again, this time in Pisces. Giving light "to existential sufferings that arises from the paradox of being spiritual beings in physical form" (words by Emily Trinkaus). Challenging us "to heal the separation between matter and spirit".
What shadows to release? Shadow Pisces qualities like addiction, escapism, victimization and helplessness. Inviting a Piscean path to healing through music, dance, art, meditation, prayer, dreamwork and griefwork. Reconnecting with the unconditional Love/light. To Embody unconditional Love fully, holding nothing back.
Do I dare to fully be me, in this body, in these times, in this world ?
Releasing dysfunctional patterns, setting self images, identifications and the many disconnects between me and others, free, opening to rebirth and renewal.
Returning to Source, again and again.
A Time of forgivings.
Who Made The World?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I do not know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
poem by Mary Oliver
"Le Shannah Tovah umetukah tikatevu",
"may you be inscribed for a good and sweet year"
Take a piece of apple and dip it in honey !
May you bring sweetness and kindness into your life
and the life of many other people.
New Moon of Tishri
Jewish New Year
New Moon in Libra
(Sun in Libra too).
Libra is all about Balance, Harmony, and Partnering. Jewish New Year is about
the rebirth of the world.
Challenging us at this very moment in time to clear out
old inherited patterns, allowing life to renew itself through us. We are invited to take charge
of "writing a good new script
in partnership with the
Source/the ever-present Origin/God".
This is what Reb Zalman z'l recommends us to do. And this is what Mary Oliver asks us to ponder in Who Made the World in her poem 'The Summer Day'.
I am grateful to participate in
"Atzeret L’Chayim”, the Gathering for Life.
The gathering of my life experience and Life lessons.
To Life. Yes. Honoring the Fullness of Life.
To honor the Breath of Life, You, who causes the wind to blow and the rain to fall.
You, who supports the fallen, heals the sick and sets those in prison free.
You, the One who embraces Life and Death with Great Mercy,
You, who causes salvation to bloom.
You, Source of Wonders
Fall Blessings Falling Blessings
Light
dropping dripping peeping through
the Pine Tree Branches
with needles, leaves and cones woven intricately
up above our heads
the temporary dwelling is like a Palace
embraced by trees
open
day and night
the sun the moon the stars
Time
sitting setting slowing down
me and my friends
with fruits, flowers and delicious prepared foods
we
celebrate life, fully embodied, here on earth together in Great Joy
We are
aging, saging, reaping, maturing, laughing, falling
grounding
in spaciousness and lightness
embracing death, sustaining life
the circle of life
ever dying ever living
Let us bless the well
eternally giving.
Let us become a living
giving
Tree.
Falling and Blessing
Fulfilling
strong and free
--------
See Enspiriting the body for 'The Fall Blessings' slide show.
Using Marcia Falk's Blessings in Song. Linda Hirschhorn and Fran Avni.
Sustaining Life, Embracing Death.
Full Moon of Tishri and
New Moon of Cheshvan,
together.
I joined friends in the USA, in Charlottesville, Virginia to celebrate Yom Kippur
(Day of At One ment) and Sukkot (7 and 1 day living in a temporary dwelling). A Beautiful warm and colorful autumn, with clear sun-sets and moon-risings surrounded me/us. I helped build a Sukkah with branches of pine trees, waved the lulav, smelled the etrog, sat, ate and prayed in the hut. Harvesting abundance, deep friendships. Goodness. Contemplating immortality, endings as new beginnings. The full moon, a Super Moon again (and eclipse) on October 8 blessed me during the whole night while sleeping/dreaming in my friend's dance studio full of windows. On the New Moon in Cheshvan, October 25 I rested. Finally at home again. Gathering all in. Integrating. Harvesting the Beauty, Love and friendships. Tasting the completion of the High Holy Days. Also tasting the completion of working on the package about "dealing with the Aftermath of the Holocaust within". I donated my works to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. The Package will be available in the Library as a Re-Source.
Blessing this moment in Time
It is
The time of
Pumpkins, chrysanthemums, beech nuts, mushrooms, and golden apples.
green leaves turning yellow and brown,
leaving holes, molding and rotting,
pulverizing shrinking
becoming
manure
for the earth
It is
The time of
revealing depth, the see-ing and the seen,
left and right in the middle unite,
opening
from the inside
the bare bone and marrow
the structure and strength of regeneration and re-creation.
Creation is continuous
Death and Life are woven into one other as one stream.
I appreciate and affirm this moment in Time
Blessing the Source of Creation Creating on.
Baruch Hu, Baruch Shemo
------
See the slideshow and hear on Enspiriting the body
the morning prayer sung by Rabbi Shefa Gold
Baruch Sheamar v'haya Ha Olam
(Blessed is He Who spoke and the world came into Being)
Baruch Hu, Baruch Shemo
(Blessed is God's Name)
From the CD Chants Encounter.
Full Moon in Cheshvan
November 6 2014, full moon in Taurus.
The Light of both the sun and the moon radiating strong
together, dropping down with the last falling autumn leaves.
A warm after glow with
clear skies appeared,
but now rain and mist are bringing a gray white wetness.
Winter is soon upon us.
Oh, no, not yet.
We can still reap and grab the light rays "inside". It is now "up
to us" to bring Light in matter, earth, body, breath, our selves and our homes.
Remembering the darkening
and breaking through, of the Light.
Remembering November 9, Kristall Nacht and the celebrations of the Berlin wall falling. And November 11, Saint Martin's Day, with children carrying their light, arriving at my open door, while singing their song, me blessing
them with apples and sweets.
Yes, we can bless each other into being. Each moment anew.
I hear Richard Kaplan sing/pray Barkhi Nafshi (Soul-Blessing). He uses
psalm 104 which is connected both to blessing the new moon moment and
to taking on the prayer shawl in the morning (lines of psalm 36 too).
Garbing oneself in God's Presence.
The endless practice of deep listening and becoming who and what we are.
Living in tune with the Heavens, the lunar cycles and Mother Earth.
While drawing I lose my separate sense of I. I am "amming" in this communing,
union-ing and this ONE pointedness, My hands breathe, love, touch, flow and play.
The day I am making this drawing is Thanksgiving Day. From this "Place" I pray.
Thanking and setting free.
In Enspiriting the body you can see a slideshow with
this morning prayer
Barkhi Nafshi sung by Richard Kaplan.
The sacred poetry (with adaptations by Richard Kaplan and me) of many many centuries ago describes what my heart knows and experiences now.
Now the new moon of Kislev, of breathing releasing constricting concepts. Surrendering.
---------
SOUL-BLESSING
Barkhi Nafshi
Bless, oh my soul, The Transcendent and Immanent One
YOU
who was before the beginning, who was is and will be, and will be beyond
YOU my Holy One
You are great beyond measure.
Splendor and Beauty
YOU put on.
You don light like a garment
Spreading out
the heavens
like a
curtain
How precious is Your love Holy One,
humankind takes refuge in the shelter of Your wings
They
will be
satisfied from the abundance of
Your house.
And
from the stream of Your delights
You
give them to
drink.
For with You is the Source of life
and
in Your light we will see light.
Extend
Your Love to Your Knowers
and
Your charity to those righteous of heart.
May light, love, kindness and beauty touch your soul
and show you the way through these dark(winter) times.
-----
The New Moon and the
Sun arrived in Sagittarius on November 22 2014.
They unite. Inviting us to attune to inner guidance, a truth finding. When the
inner light is kindled and the connection with the Source, the unconditional endless Love is kept alive, then the old can be released and fear and pain can be offered up. We can move on. Continuously. Lovingly. Going beyond the old conditionings. The stories. The resistances and self-defenses.
Lifting it all up. Allowing Space. Breathing through appea-rances.
Opening the knowing heart, head, and belly. Serving a higher purpose.
Letting the unknown in. Listening, moving, dancing, balancing. Facing and blessing.
Turning in. I take refuge in "Presence".
Drawing The Hidden One inside me. Feeling vulnerable, loving the moment.
Letting the end form/image speak to me.
What do I see? What do you see?
A Real woman, of Flesh and Blood she is
This winter is still mild.
How can we celebrate our warm heartedness, our aliveness?
A drawing by Picasso inspired me in creating a juicy female body embodying Eros. Being in the Presence of a vague bending over "Being".
Being kissed into life, awakened. Feeling "grounded", supported and at ease.
A women at home in her Self.
The Goddess of Hearth
keeps
the fire burning through dark times.
In
You
I find refuge.
"Yah elohai b'cha chasiti",
"Breath of Life, Yah, my God, in You I find refuge".
Psalm 7:2. Composed and sung by Rabbi Shefa Gold from CD Chants Encounter.
---------
Full moon in Gemini
December 6 2014
This is the last full moon in winter. Hannukah is coming up soon. We need to take the light in. Kindling the fire within. And we are challenged to radiate the light out from within.
What is life enhancing,
fulfilling and nourishing
you/me into fullness?
What Goodness can be blessed even more?
Swimming in Space
diving
deep
into depth into depth
into
the depth of water air earth and a little white fire
Under water Into the galactic waters of space
on the breath in the breath in the breath
sensing listening allowing slow letting
a process of regeneration
renewal and rebirth
lift
you into the flow of life
this
"swimming in space"
happens while practicing
your
arms, the sides, moving and breathing through the front of the body/space slow
Up and Down spreading out
stretching soft and wide vertically
into
heaven up above and earth down below
and
then slowly letting them float
inward towards
both coming together held in the middle in the front,
open, spacious, still,
and again
turning and moving slowly little by little
widening and vitalizing
the body/mind/breath You,
all of You
and me
becoming fertile Ground.
This new moon in Capricorn (December 21/22 2014) is
close to the winter solstice. The sun and moon unite in
the dark. Now is the time to release the old and dive into Being. One's own Being.
Your own Being.
This drawing brought back sweet memories of "doing" Kum Nye. Inviting me (and you?) to pick up the practice again. Activating the divine breath inside.
Embodying Spirit.
En-spiriting the Body.
"Swimming in space" is a
Kum Nye exercise, developed by Tarthang Tulku, see www.nyingmainstitute.com
Nishmat E L O H A H bi
the Divine Breath in me
The Great Mother
is alive in me.
Her chest,
so wide as the Heavens.
She, He, It,
the Great Love Loving Lover
breathing
L L L L L L L L L L
love
the flow of creation
opening rippling, winging, swinging
vibrating, resonating
A L L
pulsating, palpitating
HEART
restoring my soul every day in me.
making me smile, expand, embrace,
lovingly
bear
witness.
Learning to be with
to flow, to dance, to love
A L L
appearances, old hindrances, obstacles, limitations and losses
I give thanks to
Nishmat E L O H A H bi,
the Divine Breath in me.
Waving and softening, fanning and pervading
penetrating
through
the stiff stony controlling me,
the me mine, ego centered, fearful me
the left over me with the idea of being unworthy of being loved,
the failing me.
WITH
"the wings of your holy Presence
centered in my breath"
"a heart of stone turns into a heart of flesh"
Breathing Bathing Being
in
Love.
Letting the L of the Lamed
bring the heart space/Lev alive,
breathing the lungs,
the chest, and arms wide open.
Aligning, attuning and meeting
heaven and earth through
me.
"Elohai neshamah shenatatabi tehorah hi"
(litteraly: My God, the soul you have placed in me is pure)
composed and sung by Hannah Tiferet Siegel, from the CD
Shir Hadash
Full moon Tevet 5775/2015
the moon is in Cancer.
And it is the beginning of the increasing light, hidden in the winter tides.
Dreaming a new phase of life into being
Imagining a downstairs apartment close to the Plane Tree.
See. Pray with me:
May the Light enter in
May the Tree of life bring wholeness
May the heart breathe peace
May inner Space be felt and melt
May the earth hum and hum
May the Divine Presence dwell within.
May the Well of well-being flow
welling, willing, stilling
still
Listen
Be
Find
the eyes to see
Let life unfold
heart-fully
in
joyful creativity.
The Hum of the Earth.
From the CD The Indwelling Presence by Ashira.
---------
Full Moon Shevat
The Full Moon in Leo
(February 3, 2015) brings the New Year of the Trees in the Jewish Tradition.
The saps are rising from the depth again, the sun's light is getting stronger, spring comes in the air.
Although winter snow covers the earth, it is time for a deep rebirth.
I am coming out of hibernation and staying very centered in love, light and inner seeing.
I joined a creative aging and saging project in Amersfoort. Need to create a new house for myself among like-minded people.
Changing "Place", circumstances, opportunities and possibilities. Hoeraaah and aahhhhh, ooohhh.
Getting myself out of the way while relating, interacting, inter-being. Not figuring it all out. Grounding in Love.
Gathering courage.
It will take two years to actualize. Time to free myself of attachments, disengaging while relating to people, objects, past or future ideas; no pushing, pulling or withdrawing.
Can I join the flow of the moment? Transitioning on.
Can my past life fall apart?
I breathe. Therefore I am.
"Ik besta". Is that good enough? Just being here now.
Still. Calm. Gathered?